Generously Proportioned
by LightsWillGuideYouHome
Summary: With nothing left and nothing to lose, a man has to make a living. Inspired by HBO's 'Hung' Romantic Comedy HGXDM


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Generously Proportioned

I do not own anything, nor do I wish to.

Inspired by the hit 'Hung', funny and romatic. You really should review, I'm just saying ;)

* * *

Who ever thought it would come to this? The Malfoy family disgraced and exiled from the public after the Second War, finances frozen while under investigation for being obtained illegally and with the use of dark arts, and finally, the manor's wizardly taxes and family fines were piling up to his knees in a waste basket in his office. He couldn't work; no one would even think of employing a Malfoy at times like these. He'd lose the manor soon. With his father wasting away in Azkaban and his mother with some wizard in Paris, he was left as the man of the house.

He sighed thrusting in and out of Pansy, her ferocious groans and grunts that she thought were seductive, brought him back to reality. He faked a moan and started staring at a mole on Pansy's back. He bit back a shriek of disgust when he notices a long curly hair growing from its center. She must have noticed that he was showing lack of motivation and promptly flipped over.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Draco?" She growled, obviously offended that he wasn't mesmerized by her 'dazzling' good looks.

"What Pans?" Draco murmured mid hump.

"You need to get your mind in the game or you might lose me one day!" She said promptly scrambling out from underneath him, and began pulling on her garments.

"Couldn't be soon enough," Draco murmured to himself as he plopped back on bed and covered himself with his sheets.

"What?" Pansy shrieked and threw her heel at him, which he barely missed.

"You stupid son-of-a-fucking-bitch! How dare you? I hope you know that I am in high demand, yet I waste it on you! What do you have? You're not rich anymore! Merlin knows when you'll get your money back, or even if you will! You can't even go into public without kids spitting on you! You are more exiled than that of a fucking pedophile! What have you got now?" She bitched while dressing. Her face was turning scarlet as she ranted. She retrieved her heel she had chucked earlier and cut him off as he began to retort.

"Nothing!" She sighed straightening her skirt and grabbing her purse and wand, "Nothing but a big dick. Congratulations. Go sell yourself for dinner tonight." With that she was gone with a dramatic and resounding 'pop!' Draco rolled over and literally screamed, much like that of a female, into his big feather pillow.

She was as right as he hated to admit it. He hadn't touched Pansy since Hogwarts, he was just having sexual relations with her so she would make him dinner. Pathetic right? But tough times call for desperate measures and he sighed. Leftovers, again. He promptly snapped his fingers and house elf appeared, looking very bored and under-worked.

"What is left, elf?" He stated as he rolled onto his side.

"Master, bread and… bread." He squawked, his aged voice scratching like nails on a chalkboard.

"Great, toast it shall be!" He groaned. The manor used to have a garden, but since his mom ran off on her six month honeymoon it ceases to exist. He was happy for her, somewhere deep down, for finally finding happiness. He was an eligible bachelor damn it! Malfoys should not have to eat toast! He briefly wondered what elf tasted like…

What was he going to do? Really, he could not do anything on the charts, and everyone was too bloody scared to employ him. He groaned as he thought about what Pansy said. He was rather good in bed, too bad it would never happen, and who pays for sex anymore? Anybody could get laid now-a-days. There is no such thing as morals or class anymore, it could not be too hard to get laid.

Not much of a market.

He stood and dressed him self for a day of… well, nothing. He growled as he kicked a stray pillow that was tossed off during his rump with Parkinson and promptly showered.

* * *

Pansy bitched and moaned the whole way to a new café in Diagon Alley. She leaned against the counter impatiently. She needed a strongly caffeinated, witch brewed cup of spiced chai. She tried to look how long the line was but the witch in front of her had such thick curly hair it was hard to see around her.

"Ever thought about using a straightening charm?" Pansy snickered; she took it to a new extreme of bitchy passive aggressiveness. The witch turned around and her eyes narrowed upon recognizing Pansy.

"Parkinson." Hermione Granger acknowledged before rolling her eyes. Pansy barked a high laugh.

"I should have known it was you, with that shrub of a head. Granger, it's been ages." Pansy said in a drawling voice. Hermione frowned but said nothing else.

"Always the uptight one, Granger, you should really think about getting laid, even if you have to pay for it." With that said, Pansy cut Hermione in line, and began shamelessly flirting with the wizard at the register as she ordered her tea. Hermione silently fumed. Not only was she skipped but they were out of spiced chai. She finally ordered a chamomile tea ("Two and a half lumps please… well cut the sodding lump in half") and sat down next to Ginny and Lavendar and began filling them in on her conversation with Pansy.

"Wow, what a cunt." Ginny said and Lavendar giggled. Hermione chastised her for her language but Ginny interrupted her before she got far, "Hermione she just insulted to you and told you to buy a gigolo, how insulting, I mean of course… unless you're interested."

"What?! Ginny you think I would ever be that desperate?" Hermione ranted, she was so peeved. First an encounter from a school rival, and then followed by Ginny, what did she have a sticker on her forehead that says 'I want a hooker'?

"We are just saying, Hermione, it's been a few years…" Lavendar added thoughtfully. 'Would not have been that way if you kept your legs shut and didn't fuck my man,' Hermione thought spitefully as thought of her excuse.

"I am sorry I do not jump in bed as quick as _some_, but I have to be in love first." Hermione stated as if it were plain, boring facts and statistics she was reciting.

"Hermione, you are 24 years old, every day we are getting older. There is a sea of hot and ready men out there. Live a little." Lavendar ground out as she left the table to get another cup of tea. Ginny met Hermione's questioning gaze and just shrugged. 'Maybe I do need to get laid…'

* * *

"Pans…" Draco began. Pansy shrieked as the face of Draco Malfoy appeared in her fire pace. He looked rather enchanting, engulfed in flames and all…

"What the hell do you want, Draco? I have a dinner date at seven and dessert at ten." She said as she reapplied her hooker red lip stain that matched her toenails. He took a deep breath and said…

"I… well… I want you to be my pimp."

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**Ahahaha, I love it, I don't give a rat's ass if you like, I write for myself. If you like it as well leave a line, keep me inspired. **

**Lights! ;)**


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